Losing someone or something you love or care deeply about is very painful. You may experience a rollercoaster of difficult emotions and it could even feel like the pain and sadness you’re experiencing may never end. These emotions are normal why wouldn’t you feel this way after a significant loss. Whilst most associate grief and loss with the death of a loved one, any loss can cause grief, including:
- Relationship breakdown or divorce – the loss of your dream
- Death of an animal or pet
- Loss of your job – losing your identity of who you are and what you offer
- Loss of financial stability
- Loss of your health – a diagnosis, a disability or a serious illness
- Miscarriage or still birth
- Retirement – finding a new way to be in the world – who are you if you are not what you do?
- Loss of a friendship
There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief, it is a personal and highly individual experience. Having said this, in today’s busy world with expectations and the ‘you should be over this by now’, there can be a sense of having to pack it up and keep on with life. In some cases you get 1 – 2 days bereavement leave and are expected to be back at work as usual
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the “five stages of grief” which are:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
It is important to realise that not everybody has to go through each stage to heal and that they are not necessarily experienced in sequential order. In fact grief and loss can feel like an emotional roller coaster, full of ups and downs, twists and turns where you can feel scared of not knowing what is around the next bend.
There can be also feelings of:
Guilt – guilt about what you could have done differently or how can you imagine moving forward or being happy again without your loved one.
Fear – stepping into an unknown territory – a new phase of your life – being alone.
Lack of motivation or drive
Isolating yourself – nobody will understand or the expectation that you ‘should be over this’.
Ruminating or going over the past – the ‘what if’s’ or ‘could have been’ playing over and over again in your mind, which can lead to sleeplessness.
So if you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, please know your reactions are normal and that, with support, you will heal in time.
I offer you a safe environment to explore all of your feelings during this difficult time. While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, with my support, you can deal with these painful emotions, learn healthy ways to cope with the pain and, in time, you can accept the loss and move forward.
Using an integrated approach with Gestalt, Resource Therapy and Hypnotherapy, YOU can honour your feelings surrounding your loss and complete any unfinished business in order to gain peace in your life. Click here to contact Tamika